Want to see some hot young jfjhfjhslkfj?

After some thought, I'd have to say that the thing I'm most thankful for this holiday season is my Yahoo! bulk mail porn filter. This weekend I think I received about a zillion messages, and endorsements that I'm rather glad I didn't have to wade through in my inbox. Messages from people like Harry Potter or Fisting Chicks (which is not a pop-country music band, as I've been led to believe.)

Here's a few things I've noticed about the automated porn messages: The sender name is completely automated, probably since they don't have time to come up with all the nasty variations themselves. Instead, the computer randomly assigns two nasty words together like: Pink Dildos, Teen Humping, or Teen Dildos. Although, I'm still confused how Harry Potter sent me an email about barnyard sex.

Also, the subjet line is completely automated, but it still manages to personalize the experience for me: "Robot, do you want to see hot pink nasties...?" BUT, I also think it's funny that not only are the people that prorgrammed the porn-bot computer lazy - the automated computer is also really lazy. Especially when it just gives-up halfway through the subject line: "Want to check out sexy jghdjgjdhf?"

Anyway, I digress. I just want to give a holiday 'shout-out' to all the lab geeks out there on porn watch. While many people stuff themselves this holiday weekend, and my inbox tells of other kinds of stuffings going on, I thankfully, don't have to watch either of it.

Goodtimes.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I just made the wierdest, most gnarly chocolatey smores ever. I think they're probably too much. I have a stomach ache just thinking about eating them - which is fine because I can't eat 'em. They're for people at work; not for me. So, after cleaning up all the sticky, nasty mess...I made more.

This time with KAHLUA. My very own recipe (although I'm sure I haven't invented it or anything - pouring liquor into baking recipes is like a natural progression to a baking black belt, if it were). I might've put too juch kahlua in them though. I might need a designated driver tonight.

Hope you're all having a swell Tuesday. I'm gonna run out of the house in minute and get my X-men2 DVD!

"Everybody knows it."
No matter how hard I try, I can't get this song out of my head. I'm singing it all day/all night - even in the Homestar voice. I'm almost looking back fondly at the time I had the instrumental hook from 50 Cent's "In Da Club" repeating over and over again. I didn't even know the words, just this" "Bump! Bump! (clap clap) BompBump BompBump! [repeat]"

Which is worse to have stuck in your head? Not sure. Decide for youself.
"Everybody Knows It"
"In Da Club"

The story that shalt never speak its name...

Enough time has passed.
This story must be told.
There are some that say the photos should never have been taken.
There are some that say we should have never encouraged him.
But, what fun is that?

"Maximum Extreme Vegas 3: It tastes like AIDS."

This just in...

OH MY GOD! WHAT IS GOING ON?!? THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END! OH MY.....What? It's what?...Oh...It's snowing.....Oh....whew.

Guess I can put my apocalypse-ready kit back away now. I'm glad I turned on the news before I boarded myself up in Costco, and prepared to fight off the hoardes of zombie invaders.

Maybe I'll go make a snow angel instead.

The Saturday Night Bachelor Party

Dan Garcia had his bachelor party last night! 16 guys, a giant SUV limo, and all the drinks we could fit in our stomachs. Now if that isn't a recipe for trouble, well then add all the porno we looked at - that should do it.

I didn't go out for a few days, in preparation for this thing. And, I'm glad because I would've had one of those 'rolling hangovers' that gets a little bit worse each succesive morning. There's that old addage about whether or not to have beer before liquor, but there should definitely be one about beer and liquor at the same time (while in a moving limo).

Also, I think there's some bachelor party rule about not being able to tell what we did that night, so I'll have to keep this post brief - and mostly without fun pictures.

Dan (or Danger, as we like to call him at work), started off the evening in the limo by sitting with the window down and telling people outside, in a nice respectful tone, "I'm having a bachelor party." Of course, they saw the giant obscene limosine from 3 blocks away and could easily tell on their own. A few hours, and many drinks later, Dan was hanging out of the window and screaming, "Show me your titties! It's my bachelor party! Show 'em to me!"

Did they? I'm not supposed to tell. But what he didn't see on the streets of downtown Portland, was more than made-up-for at the strip club later.

Oops! I probably wasn't supposed to say that.

I just found this thing in the clearance section at Starbucks. It is quite easily the most cute/disturbing thing I've seen since those weird Don Hertzfeldt cartoons Hasser made me watch in his basement.

Look at this thing! Just look at it. The cookie is so damn happy (in a overly freakish way - like the dancing hotdogs during drive-thru movie intermissions). I actually had a dozen or so people at work arguing with each other about whether or not it *thought* that it was a cookie or candy corn.

I'm kinda sorry I bought it now. I'm never going to be able to eat the damn thing - as much as it clearly wants me to. Perverted candy corn cookie.

Halloween has come and gone! I got my bling-bling on, and hit the town for some drunken madness. I think the highlight of the evening came when we were leaving a party, to walk to the next, and Hasser exclaimed, "I think these doorbells need to be rang!" And, the very next moment we were running down the street while he drunkenly played "ding dong ditch." Keep in mind that he's 30 years old - makes it funnier, I think.

I took about a million photos, but here's some of my favorites that made the cut: Maximum Extreme Halloween '03