I've drank my fair share of iced tea in my life. But I don't think I've ever had 'sweet tea' until I moved out here. Sure, I've had tea with some sugar poured in it - it's not the same thing. It's a culture thing. You have to hear people say, "sweeeyt teay" and you'll know what I mean. [update 3/28 - the correct pronunciation is: SWAY'-tee]

Anyway, I thought I liked iced tea until I moved out here. But every time I try it, there's something weird or skunky, or insanely sweet about it.

There's really only two kinds of iced tea I like:
1. I make it myself, the way I like it.
2. Starbucks - venti black iced tea (three pump classic).

There are nearly no Starbucks here. There's like four or something. And even if there's a dozen, it's still pretty much the same thing, considering that there were hundreds (maybe thousands) where I'm from. They would build a Starbucks across the street from another Starbucks just for the heck of it.

I knew that no matter what direction I drove or where I ended up, there would be a venti black iced tea (three pump classic) within a moment's reach.

So you can imagine my current situation: driving endlessly, listening to Leonard Cohen's Waiting for the Miracle while I scan every rundown strip mall for the glowing green/white Starbucks serpent-lady symbol to beckon me towards it.

Eventually, after weeks of relentless thirst, I made my way to one of the exclusive Starbucks locations and ordered my venti black iced tea (three pump classic). Aww yeah! The moment of truth.

I could hardly wait. And you know what?



It was f**king disgusting.

They tried to make it like southern sweet tea and screwed it all up.
But, I'll keep trying. Hope is all I have left, if not a venti black iced tea (three pump classic).