It's no secret that I hate ensemble dramas about doctors, lawyers, policemen, firemen, and crime scene investigators. If I had to blame anyone, it'd be NBC. There's like nine Law and Orders shows now, right? And there's the endless gore-and-bore parade that is ER. Now don't get me wrong: these are some fine shows with talented writers and actors, but afterwhile it's just the same thing over and over again.



So, I've taken a cue from one of my favorite blogs, Lost Remote and their unsolicited advice columns called, "How to save..." [example]

With that all in mind, I present to you: How to Save ER (and doctor shows other than House)

Honestly, I don't even know if ER actually needs "saving". The show's been on the air for over 10 years, so maybe they get good numbers. I'm talking about saving it from "me thinking it's boring and repetitive".

I got this idea the other day when I watching a video about some hospitals using the new robot doctor machines.



At first glance I thought the robot doctors are kinda neat, but now I'm convinced that it's sorta dumb. I guess I'd hate to be a patient stuck in a hospital room all day and not get to see my doctor, but rather I get a dumb remote control thing with his/her face on it. I assume the doctor would be sitting at home remote controlling the robot, since running a remote control robot from their hospital office would be annoying and rather pointless.

Anyway, in the news video I saw, there were a bunch of old people lying in their beds and when the robot doctor rolls into the room they say, "Oh goody." The doctor on the screen didn't even look all that nice, either. He kinda looked like Dick Cheney does when he's all annoyed and put out by questions from the media - lots of sighing and disapproving head shakes.

After doing some research online, I found an article that said "half the patients preferred a virtual visit by their own doctor to a real visit by another physician." What they meant to say was, "Old people that lie in hospital rooms all day prefer a visit from a surly robot doctor than getting a visit from no one...ever."

Where was I? Oh yeah. The ER show.

I think that if they really want to jazz up the ER, without all the repetitive "on a powerful new ER" episodes full of explosions, gunplay, and hazmat scares - then they should introduce the robot doctor into the daily grind.

Think about it: A new doctor arrives in the ER, and it's some annoying doctor guy that never shows up for work. He sits at home all day with a sweatpants boner in front of a webcam, and drives around consulting with patients using an Xbox controller.

I can already imagine a scene where all the ER folks are covered in blood and have been working really hard 18 hour shifts, and the robot doctor rolls up into the elevator with them, and he's all "Hi there, doctors. Been a long day hasn't it? Whew. Sure has." And then he rolls out of the elevator and everyone flips him off behind his 'back'.



Hell, they should just put the scary red-headed lady with the leg brace as the robot doctor operator. I could see her rolling around bitching people out and whining about the ER budget. And, they could still have one of those episodes where the ER is evacuated because of noxious chemicals or a gun-toting lunatic, and the robot doctor rolls along diffusing bombs (between coffee breaks and phone calls at home).

Well, there you go ER.
Run with it (or roll with it?).
Best of luck.

/robot


[I don't know. Maybe the robot doctor is a really good invention and I just don't see it. At the very least, there's probably some good entertainment value in it.]