A few weeks ago I was at my friend Dirk's wedding reception and somehow I ended up chatting with some folks about the Friday the 13th movies. Basically, this one guy was never allowed to watch them as a kid (and young adult) and started asking all these questions like, "So, it's like about a killer guy in a ski mask?"

Right away, I went into eight-grade geek mode and sighed, "Um..it's a hockey mask, and his name is Jason Voorhees."

Next thing I know there's just a bunch of drunk folks (like me) gathered around this table recounting the entire Friday the 13th saga to this poor guy. It kinda sounded like this [except way more drunk an incoherent]:

"Okay, so there's this weird mutant boy that drowns and his mother starts killing all the camp counselors around the camp as revenge. But, she gets her head chopped off and later on her son starts killing people and he gets killed but somehow comes back in the next movie and gets a hockey mask and then is later killed by a twelve year-old Cory Feldman. But then like later he's brought to life by lightning and is eventually killed again by Cory Feldman, but only it's a different actor now. But, then Jason is brought to life by a psychic who happens to spend her summer at the very same lake he was drowned in and bring him back to life. But, like it's okay because she kills him dead again, back into the lake. Except that a little while later there's a power line at the bottom of the lake that breaks and bring him back to life and he goes to Manhattan and kills people, but is later killed again by toxic waste. And then a few years later he's brought back from hell, but...um..Eventually killed again. And then 500 years in the future or something he's revived by space scientists studying the lake. Oh! but back in our time he's brought back from the dead by Freddie Krueger and they like fight and stuff."

Of course, when we were done rambling about all this, the guy was sitting there stunned, wishing he had never mentioned it. I got all embarrassed and said, "Well it seems a lot more plausible when you're actually watching the movies."

Anyway, Sideshow Collectibles has published a new book that would be a perfect carry-along item for such an occasion.



The person would say, "So, it's like about a killer guy in a ski mask?" and if you had the book you would respond, "Um..it's a hockey mask, stupid."

Then you would say, "Everything you need to know is right here in this book, Crystal Lake Memories: The Complete History of Friday the 13th. Read the book, my son and learn the ways of Camp Crystal Lake."

Yeah, that's probably a much better way to talk about gory slasher films at a wedding reception.