haikus for an ancient avid:


old school editing
what is this 'Mac' you speak of?
no windows xp?


one button mouse click
oh how it befuddles me
how will I adapt?


ancient AVID screen
render you bastard, render!
i'm on deadline here.

I've drank my fair share of iced tea in my life. But I don't think I've ever had 'sweet tea' until I moved out here. Sure, I've had tea with some sugar poured in it - it's not the same thing. It's a culture thing. You have to hear people say, "sweeeyt teay" and you'll know what I mean. [update 3/28 - the correct pronunciation is: SWAY'-tee]

Anyway, I thought I liked iced tea until I moved out here. But every time I try it, there's something weird or skunky, or insanely sweet about it.

There's really only two kinds of iced tea I like:
1. I make it myself, the way I like it.
2. Starbucks - venti black iced tea (three pump classic).

There are nearly no Starbucks here. There's like four or something. And even if there's a dozen, it's still pretty much the same thing, considering that there were hundreds (maybe thousands) where I'm from. They would build a Starbucks across the street from another Starbucks just for the heck of it.

I knew that no matter what direction I drove or where I ended up, there would be a venti black iced tea (three pump classic) within a moment's reach.

So you can imagine my current situation: driving endlessly, listening to Leonard Cohen's Waiting for the Miracle while I scan every rundown strip mall for the glowing green/white Starbucks serpent-lady symbol to beckon me towards it.

Eventually, after weeks of relentless thirst, I made my way to one of the exclusive Starbucks locations and ordered my venti black iced tea (three pump classic). Aww yeah! The moment of truth.

I could hardly wait. And you know what?



It was f**king disgusting.

They tried to make it like southern sweet tea and screwed it all up.
But, I'll keep trying. Hope is all I have left, if not a venti black iced tea (three pump classic).

As some of you may know, I've been working on putting together a comic book to get published sometime later this year. It's a space adventure called, Anamorphic. I got the first of my concept sketches back from my penciler (that's 'artist' to the uninitiated), Julia Bax.

Here's the first of many rad drawings. Undoubtedly, a making-the-comic-book blog is coming soon.




/fingers crossed

A few weeks ago, on my first live shot at the station, the live truck guy came running up to me and handed my this crazy box-thing. It had all kinds of cables and cords hanging from it. I was all, "What the hell is this thing?" But, he was all, "Just plug into it" and ran off.

Later, I was to learn that it's called a: Camplex. [Although with all the stuff hanging off it, I prefer to call it "Technopus"]

Everywhere I've ever done a live shot, there's just a multi-cable reel that you plug one or two cords into. But, the Camplex is a handy device that handles video, audio, IFB, and a bunch of other electrickery in one easy to use box.

The Camplexes (or is it Camplexi?) at our shop are some really durable, older models. But, I was thinking about how I'd trick a brand-new Camplex out if I had a chance. [see illustration below]



It'd have all the features shown above, as well as: wireless internet, car keys locator, emergency sewing kit, and slot to store Starbucks gift cards.

I'll be heading to NAB next month, and maybe I'll unveil my new Camplex-like invention to the guys at their booth and see what they think.

17 years ago this week:



There was a time when I wanted to be a Star Fleet officer, but I was born a few hundred years too early. So, my junior-high friends and I made retarded costumes and went to Star Trek conventions. My mom would book the room on her credit card and we'd hang out all weekend, running around the hotel with middle-aged dorks, dressed the exact same way and playing laser tag in the hotel parking lot.

That's me on the left. Andy Henderson in the middle - he was obsessed with the Halloween movies, and saved up for months to get that creepy mask. The guy on the left was my childhood friend, Todd - he really admired the Vulcan pure-logic-way-of-life, and was really into science and that kind of lame-ucational stuff. He actually grew up to become a rocket scientist or something like that.

I'm still waiting to hear back from Star Fleet.

Ever since the geniuses at my favorite online game Everquest 2 launched the in-game pizza feature - I've been having a ridiculous obsession with ordering pizza.

But, not just ordering pizza.
It's ordering pizza ONLINE.



So, this weekend we were staying in (and eating in), so I thought, "what the Hell? Why not?" and I got on the internet and clicky-clicked myself some pizza. But I decided to go with the "cash" payment option, since I had no idea how the local store actually knows I ordered a pizza - that I way wouldn't be out any money. I'd like to imagine that after I place my order, they get my order in one of those vacuum-delivered canisters, like the bank drive-thru.

Well, after I registered (something I may later regret) and placed my order online, I got a 'pizza tracking' page. It'd be cool if they someday offered a tracking number like a FedEx package, but this seemed to work for now.

There was a point where I was kinda sweating it, and doubt set-in. Where is my damn pizza? They probably didn't even get my order.

And right when I picked up the phone to call: it arrived.



It was so painless that I'll probably ordering some pizza online again. I like the idea of not having to actually talk to anyone on the phone.

Now if I can only think of a way for the delivery person to slide it under the door or something...

My stupid cable company DVR-Tivo-ripoff never records The OC. It's programmed correctly, and it even shows that it recorded the show. But, it only records a black screen.

It only does that with The OC.
Each and every time.

When it happened last night, it was twice as annoying because I missed the big Star Wars 3 trailer embedded in the show. Luckily, the internet is there to "record" shows for me when I have trouble. A few clicks and I'm good. But I still needed to find the Star Wars thing.

The fanboy websites wouldn't link to the trailers online, out of fear of mucking up their good standing with Lucasfilm. I knew it would be all over the internet tomorrow...BUT I WANTED IT TODAY!

So, I turned to the one man I knew could help me: Hasser.

As, it turns out, he was up to the same thing. And after joining forces, we eventually tracked it down. His downloaded faster.



He was going all apeshit while I waited for mine to download. And, it didn't make the wait any easier watching-him-watch-the-trailer on his webcam.



But, eventually I saw it (again and again). I'm actually writing this post somewhere between my 15th or 16th viewing.



The trailer is pretty awesome. It seemed to me like Lucasfilm held a focus group and asked all these Star Wars dorks what they wanted to see in the last movie ("we want to see more people using lightsabers" and "we want more things getting cut up with lightsabers").

Okay, I gotta get some sleep - it's late (and kinda lame, considering I'm not really that into Star Wars anyway).

I was out covering an apartment fire the other day, and my eye glasses started to feel kinda loose. They next thing I knew...they slid off my face onto the pavement. I quickly scooped them up and went back to work. Later on, I realized they were going to need some repair - and in performing field-triage, I broke them completely.



This is not good. My trademark-like glasses, destroyed. The source of my cosmic power, drained. Little did I realize that when I went on a two alarm fire (which ended 90 minutes earlier) that I would be in the fight of my life. A battle would be fought, and there would be a casualty.



Only in retrospect (and through drinking) I've realized that situation was similar to the HUGE mainstream comic book story arcs this year. Marvel had "Avengers: Disassembled" and DC had "Identity Crisis"; both featured covers depicting the superheroes iconic gear, cast aside in reflection and sadness at the epic losses they all suffered.

Much like me and my eye wear.

[Okay, maybe that's a stretch. I think I can get them fixed.]

Just like cops out working "the beat' (as they call it), news crews also drive around all partnered-up and hitting the city streets. But, rather than the good cop/bad cop thing, our team consists of reporter/photographer.

Back in Portland, I'd usually arrive in the newsroom and find out what lens meat reporter I was partnered-up with for the day. But at my new place, the teams are somewhat-permanent, so I work with the same reporter each-and-every day.

Her name: Marla Cichowski, nightside reporter.



Now, I think we've properly bonded. We both share a fondness for Schlotzsky's Deli. We've even been in a harrowing, near-death-sliding-on-ice-down-a-hill experience together. Stuff like that. But, what do I really know about Marla?

In the interest of getting to know her better, I sat down with Marla Cichowski and had a quick chat. [She was locked in a moving news rig, but same difference]:

Marla, I'm going to interview you now.

Um..all right.

So, Marla what are your hopes and dreams?

Is this a joke?

No. This is the interview. I'm going to say "I sat down with Marla Cichowski and had a quick chat or something like that."

Um..what is this for? You're not going to publish this on the internet or anything...

At that moment, I had to hang out the window to activate the security gate. And seconds later we got out of the car, signaling the end of the interview.



Later I decided to continue the interview in the newsroom, after giving her time to let my questions properly 'sink-in':

So, Marla what are your hopes and dreams?

What? I don't know. Just say I don't have any.

She then went back to work, writing her script. I concluded that this probably wasn't the best time for annoying questions. [And, believe me: they were probably annoying]

Besides, I guess I know her well enough anyway - we've been working together for just over 2 weeks. People in reality shows don't even know each other that long and they're always crying their eyes out and blubbering about soulmates, and backstabbery and all that crap.

What I don't know about my enigmatic partner, I'll learn in time. But, I'm already convinced that I'm willing to take a bullet for her it'll be fun working with her.

Earlier I complained about some odd food choices in the South (cinnamon pork rinds). But there is one food-related thing that I'm just thrilled about: plenty of Schlotzsky's Deli. It's my favorite place to get a sandwich, and there was only a few of them in the Pacific NW.



Every time I eat at Schlotzsky's it reminds me of one of my most favorite memories ever. [I had hoped to someday sell this story to Schlotzsky's and become some kind of anti-Jared, but I don't think that'll ever happen.]

Here goes:

Back when I was a youngster, my mom brought home some videos and take-out for our evening enjoyment. This was the first time I ever ate a Schlotzsky's sandwich, and was amused at the ridiculous sounding name. I grabbed the giant styrofoam clamshell container, plopped myself down 2 feet from the television set, and began devouring my giant, meaty sandwich - which was enormous for a ten year-old. Thinking it was a good family film, my mom rented, National Lampoon's Vacation and popped it in the VCR.

Fast forward twenty minutes. The Griswold family are lost in St. Louis (or was it Philly?) and Chevy Chase pulls over to ask a guy on the street how to get back to the freeway. His response was to them was, "Go fuck your mama!"

The second I heard that, I did three things all at the same time: busted out laughing, started crying, and choking on my sandwich. I was hysterical. My mother must've thought I was dying or something. To this day, I can still remember choking, laughing, and crying for at good solid minute. And it took me hours to fully recover. I laid there on the floor, my face buried in shag carpet, and giggling with tears streaming down my face - thinking of the new phrase I was going to say to all the nuns at Catholic school. That was one of the happiest, most joyous moments of my life.

It's been well over twenty years since then, and I've never ordered anything other that the Schlotzsky's Original. I don't bother trying anything else on the menu because I know that I'm getting the perfect sandwich each time. And every time I take that first delicious bite I close my eyes, smile, and say to myself, "Go fuck your mama."

Good times.

Folks have been asking me about the South, and how I'm adjusting. For the most part, I say, "Just fine."

But there are a few things that just freak me out. Like pork rinds, for example. It's not like I haven't seen them before or anything, but on the west coast they're just 'plain' or 'hot-n-spicy'. But out here there's every flavor imaginable.



It's hard to make out on my camera phone, but those are CINNAMON AND SPICE PORK RINDS (just above the cheddar cheese flavor). F&@$%ing cinnamon pork rinds!

That is just nasty.

I work at WYFF in Greenville, the lovely NBC affiliate. Which is in NO WAY related to the Meredith FOX affiliate WHNS at which my girlfriend works. [see post below]

I'm loving my new job. Video is being shot, and faces are being rocked.

I did have an issue with a miscued tape - which caused a minor melt-down in the 6pm show, but that's all behind me now. From now on I make sure the tape is properly cued to the number 4, so all will be fine. I also find it helps to obsessively check the tape five or six times before it goes to the tape room to make sure it's still cued up. I've also went up to the tape room and check the tape in the deck there. "Yep, still cued up." Then I watch it air, to make sure it went well. And, sometimes I'll ask someone "How did it go?" The answer is usually, "Um....fine." They think I'm fishing for compliments, but I just wanna make sure it went okay.

Yep. That miscued tape is all in the past.

I'm pretty sure that's not an actual word, but I'm gonna keep it as my post title. Just a few hours after I posted that I'm too busy to update my blog, I decided to buckle-down and switch-up the CSS.

I'm scaling down.
Shifting gears.

I know a few of you are saying? "WTF another site redesign?" Well, yeah. But, I'll probably stay with this one longer. If you're feeling nostalgic you can visit my old site banners page. I think I'm missing one or two.

What else?

I should have just posted to say that both Deadwood and Carnivale were awesome. It was the best 2 hours (out of the 8 hours I watched) on television tonight.

Also, I bought the new 50 Cent album at Target, and I got to download a bonus song. That 50 is hardcore, partnering with Target and all. G Unit!

The blog has taken a back seat to all the little projects I've been trying to get done lately. And, I don't really have anything to say about my new job, other than: it's going well. Although, I never thought it'd be so...analog. But, the numbers are good and the people are great, so it's all good.

Feeling the need to defend myself, here' what I've been up to:

1. Good Vs. Evil. Catching up on the entire season of HBO's Carnivale on VOD. It's my favorite show right now, and has earned a place on my all time "Top 10 Favorite Shows" list. If you haven't seen it: watch the DVD (or get the bit torrent) and then get caught up. [Also, you know you're a hardcore fan when the Honda ads come on TV, and you realize it's Brother Justin's voice and freak out because he's ushering in the Apocalypse with a Honda Odyssey.]


2. Writing my comic book project. I only have a few little legal-ish things to sort out before it gets its own blog. Know any good artists for concept art?


3. HTML hell. I'm doing an overhaul on my parent's website and doing a full LLR redesign, with more content and videos.


4. Everquest 2. Maybe that one should've been number one on the list.


I have to go now. Deadwood season premier is about to begin, and I gotta get myself all good and situated before Swearengin starts saying &#$^#%ing &#$@#sucker every five words.

/ll robot