My pal, Audio sent me the following photo yesterday, with a message:

WTF?!? See what has become of your shit? Talk about the end of an era!

The picture is of the old camera locker from the back of my news SUV - sitting out with the trash in the back parking lot at my old station.

When I saw the pic, I had this totally nervous and exposed feeling wash over me - like some piece of me, or my identity was lying 'out in the open.'

Does that sound weird or what?

One time in junior high, my locker got broken into (or I left it unlocked by accident). And, when I got back to it a few hours later, it was wide open with everything spilling out. It sucked, and I think the worst part was the embarassement or vulnerability that I experienced.

Which may have led to a reoccuring dream I have about coming home and finding the door to my apartment wide open, and inside everthing is trashed or stolen. Obviously that's some kind of stress-related dream or something, but it always takes a while for the sick feeling to leave me after I wake up.

Anyway...

Thanks for sending me the photo, Audio. Way to freak me out, man. I think I just gotta keep telling myself that (even though it was totaly pimped out with a minimum 14 pieces of flare) it was old, and horribly designed. The drawer that was supposed to protect and support the camera would often fall out, if I opened too far.

And, I've been working on my new camera cage, which is coming along nicely:

On our routine trip to the grocery store this weekend, I was pleasantly surprised by the coolest TV guide ever.

The exclusive Lost edition (with bonus CD footage)!



There's some cool stuff on the disc. But it's mainly just a little advertisement for the DVD box set, which is just over a week away. Nothing I hadn't seen before. And there's a link to TV Guide's Lost page.

The special sneak peek at season 2 is the same promo that's been on TV. Basically it's just shots of people running through the forest (and I'm not convinced that they aren't just cobbled together from this past season).

Anyway, I had to destroy the cover to get to the disc - to find out there wasn't really anything on it. Call it anticipointment, if you will. At least it's keeping with the theme of the show.

Here she comes! We're on the "yellow line" of possible scenarios, in case you're wondering.

I was sitting at my computer tonight playing Everquest 2 and suddenly I was thrust into a life and death, fight for survival mildly entertaining experience.

It all began with the room shaking...





We both agreed that it had to be an earthquake! We both called our respective TV stations and they both said that phone calls were flooding in. [Although her meteorologist thought she was crazy, but later made a funny on-air apology]

So, I jumped over to the internet and dialed up the USGS data. [I had a lot of practice after all the Mt. Saint Helens coverage I did earlier this year].

And they had the latest info posted:

Magnitude 3.8 - NORTH CAROLINA
2005 August 25 03:09:41 UTC

A minor earthquake occurred at 03:09:41 (UTC) on Thursday, August 25, 2005. The magnitude 3.8 event has been located in NORTH CAROLINA. (This event has been reviewed by a seismologist.)

And, moments later...BREAKING NEWS!!!:





Okay, so it wasn't a great big earth shattering event, but it was a fun little diversion for a Thursday night. And, I'm considering getting a pet now because that would've been kinda cool to see it freaking out before the earthquake - although as soon as I got a puppy, I'm certain that there would never be another earthquake here ever again.

Hmm. I wonder what news story I'll be covering tomorrow...

Last week I wnet on a ride-a-long with the Greenville County narcotics unit while they busted some crack houses. It was one of those shoots where I couldn't shoot anyone's face - or run behind them as they smashed down doors.



It was pretty fun riding along with the cops. Apparently law enforcement officers LOVE Reno 911 on Comedy Central - something I've always wondered about.

Anyway, I wasn't even going to post anything about it, since it was a "hold for later" story. But, it aired today and there's a video clip on station's website - so here's the link. It's nothing special, but I rarely have video posted online so I gotta link it.

If you've been wondering what happened to LLR, I'll gladly explain. I jumped on a plane (or more like 3 planes) and flew back to Oregon for my folk's annual golf tournament this past weekend.

Hasser and I (known as golf power duo: Team Awesome) did okay in the tournament, but suffered greatly when we incurred a nine stroke penalty for totaling our electric golf cart.



We did, however earn the distinction of having broken it to the point that the owner conceded that he had never, in like 21 years, "seen a (golf cart) axel damaged so badly". It's not something we're proud of doing, but it was still noteworthy, I suppose.

I took a photo of the damaged cart, but didn't really have time to snap a photo of the wrecked undercarriage in between all the, "Oh f--k! What are we gonna do?" and "We are totally gonna have to walk!" comments we kept shouting back and forth at each other. I felt like I was fifteen all over again, when I had to explain how I wrecked family car (except this time I didn't try to cover it up or pretend I didn't do it).

--------------------------------------

news to me:

Checked into iTunes today and saw that there's a nifty new Depeche Mode single out. [I like it, but there's a little part that sounds Coldplay-ish. I'm not saying that they ripped it off, but if you're wondering why Precious is the first single, that's my theory.]


In related news: There's a new Franz Ferdinand too! [No Coldplay similarities whatsoever.]

Striking while the iron is cold, the Utah State Fair made Napoleon Dynamite their official spokesperson. Three video clips: Box, Duel, and Horse.
After Napoleon Dynamite came out, I was certain that the Napoleon-guy would be in like a million TV ads and stuff. But, it never really happened - just dumb t-shirts.

Halo may be hitting the big screen soon, now that a deal had been inked. Anyone other me think this is a bad idea? The guy never takes off his helmet, and I'm not sure I want to see a movie where The Rock or Russel Crowe play-out this agonizing Master Chief back story. The thing that makes Halo so cool is that it wasn't a blockbuster movie, but rather a video game experience that transcended the video game genre. It had people lining up in malls to buy the game and experience it. How many people will be lining up the day before Halo: The Movie comes out? The answer: Slightly less than Halo: The Movie: The Video Game adaptation.

More stuff added to Anamorphic blog.

It only takes like 2 seconds for my digital camera to turn on and snap a photo. It seems fast, but when you need a photo fast it can be an eternity. Today was such an occasion.

I was driving down a few side streets on the way to work - which serve as migration trails for the homeless folks near my station. Every morning (and evening) there'll be folks with shopping carts and imaginary friends, making their way to the shelters and wherever.

That's where I first saw Master Blaster.



Imagine seeing the typical homeless people every day in their meth-jacket-garbage-bag couture, and then suddenly you spot someone completely out of the 'norm'.

Master Blaster is such a person. I would've written about him sooner, but I needed to have proof that he existed. I didn't want another repeat of the Neo incident - talking about some crazy character, but never getting photographic evidence.

It was just over a week ago: I was driving along and saw this homeless guy coming down the street, wearing a red kung-fu headband and football shoulder pads. He looked like he just walked out of some awesome early 80's post-apocalyptic movie (in which he would be played by Samuel L. Jackson).

I can easily see this guy having been in a number of adventures all over the earth: fighting ninja zombies in feudal Japan, learning Snake-Fu martial arts from supernatural Vietnam warlords, or possibly battling hordes of vampire demons in a dirty South American prison. This guy rarely talks. He's an enigma. He travels the world, saving small towns in trouble with his signature brand of lead pipe justice.

Who runs Barter Town? Master Blaster runs Barter Town.

Anyway, I was driving along this morning and I spotted him from about a block away. I almost didn't recognize him - he was actually wearing the shoulder pads under his football jersey this time.

BOOM!

Everything around me went into slow-motion-bullet-time. I grabbed my camera and turned it on. The other hand hit the switch for the passenger-side window.

CLICK!



I got the photo. It's not perfect, but it's all I've got. I would've went back for another shot, but I was driving a marked news vehicle and it would've been a little weird to swing back around for another pass.

Doesn't matter. I have a feeling our paths will cross again.
And next time...I'll be ready.

It's been two weeks since the Dukes of Hazzard movie came out, and I still haven't heard a Dukes follow-up from my brother Tater (who really should have a blog of his own). So, I called him up to finally get a review out of him:

----- [begin phone conversation ] -----

[phone rings. Tater answers.]

Sup?

Did you see the movie yet?

No, I was supposed to go to coast last weekend. I'll make sure I'll see it his week.

What? It came out like 2 weeks ago. I thought you were a Dukes fan.

Oh yeah. Seeing a movie with numb nuts and dimble-fuck isn't that high on my priority list.

Well, this isn't going to make for a very interesting post-movie review.

Sorry, man. I'll see it eventually.

Git-R-Done.

(sighs) Shut up.

----- [end phone conversation ] -----


My interview with Tater ran short. In its place, here's a photo of Tater nearly lighting himself on fire in true redneck fashion.

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Links Round-up


Bryan sent me this rad Patton Oswalt short story about what happened to the "sweep the leg" kid from The Karate Kid. And that link gives me a good excuse to link to Mike's fascinating article on The Tao of William Zabka.

Someone made a techno mix of the "Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?" sketch from Chappelle's Show.

I'll be making a trip to CVS today, now that someone finally hacked the disposable digital video camera.

Last night our station was visited by the Nextel Fairy, and were given enchanting new Nextel phones! Here's my new GPS enabled phone, right out of the box.



Thankfully, it's a lot smaller than the 'old school' Nextels that the photogs have been using for the last few years. How large were they exactly? Well they wouldn't fit in my pocket, that's for sure.

Here's a size comparison chart I found on the Nextel website.
See for yourself:




And here's a shot of the old phone loaded into the back of my news SUV. (This photo is in no way photoshopped).



Just carrying the phone today, I felt so relieved not having to carry the giant phone on my back, or drag it to my news car in a shiny red wagon.

It's no secret that I hate ensemble dramas about doctors, lawyers, policemen, firemen, and crime scene investigators. If I had to blame anyone, it'd be NBC. There's like nine Law and Orders shows now, right? And there's the endless gore-and-bore parade that is ER. Now don't get me wrong: these are some fine shows with talented writers and actors, but afterwhile it's just the same thing over and over again.



So, I've taken a cue from one of my favorite blogs, Lost Remote and their unsolicited advice columns called, "How to save..." [example]

With that all in mind, I present to you: How to Save ER (and doctor shows other than House)

Honestly, I don't even know if ER actually needs "saving". The show's been on the air for over 10 years, so maybe they get good numbers. I'm talking about saving it from "me thinking it's boring and repetitive".

I got this idea the other day when I watching a video about some hospitals using the new robot doctor machines.



At first glance I thought the robot doctors are kinda neat, but now I'm convinced that it's sorta dumb. I guess I'd hate to be a patient stuck in a hospital room all day and not get to see my doctor, but rather I get a dumb remote control thing with his/her face on it. I assume the doctor would be sitting at home remote controlling the robot, since running a remote control robot from their hospital office would be annoying and rather pointless.

Anyway, in the news video I saw, there were a bunch of old people lying in their beds and when the robot doctor rolls into the room they say, "Oh goody." The doctor on the screen didn't even look all that nice, either. He kinda looked like Dick Cheney does when he's all annoyed and put out by questions from the media - lots of sighing and disapproving head shakes.

After doing some research online, I found an article that said "half the patients preferred a virtual visit by their own doctor to a real visit by another physician." What they meant to say was, "Old people that lie in hospital rooms all day prefer a visit from a surly robot doctor than getting a visit from no one...ever."

Where was I? Oh yeah. The ER show.

I think that if they really want to jazz up the ER, without all the repetitive "on a powerful new ER" episodes full of explosions, gunplay, and hazmat scares - then they should introduce the robot doctor into the daily grind.

Think about it: A new doctor arrives in the ER, and it's some annoying doctor guy that never shows up for work. He sits at home all day with a sweatpants boner in front of a webcam, and drives around consulting with patients using an Xbox controller.

I can already imagine a scene where all the ER folks are covered in blood and have been working really hard 18 hour shifts, and the robot doctor rolls up into the elevator with them, and he's all "Hi there, doctors. Been a long day hasn't it? Whew. Sure has." And then he rolls out of the elevator and everyone flips him off behind his 'back'.



Hell, they should just put the scary red-headed lady with the leg brace as the robot doctor operator. I could see her rolling around bitching people out and whining about the ER budget. And, they could still have one of those episodes where the ER is evacuated because of noxious chemicals or a gun-toting lunatic, and the robot doctor rolls along diffusing bombs (between coffee breaks and phone calls at home).

Well, there you go ER.
Run with it (or roll with it?).
Best of luck.

/robot


[I don't know. Maybe the robot doctor is a really good invention and I just don't see it. At the very least, there's probably some good entertainment value in it.]

This weekend The Dukes of Hazzard movie hits theaters nationwide. And, it's not without some minor controversy. Former Dukes cast member, Ben "Cooter" Jones recently spoke out against the new movie, strongly recommending "that true blue Dukes fans hold their noses and pass this one up."

And, recently I heard of a boycott from a very hardcore The Dukes of Hazzard fan: my brother, Tater.



In a LLR exclusive, we spoke with Tater over the phone:

I hear you're not seeing the Dukes of Hazzard movie?

I will.

Wait. What? Mom said you weren't going to go see it.

I wasn't but I decided that I gotta go see it. I mean it looks kinda gay.
Gotta see it for the car, you know?

Wow. You're taking this all better than I thought you would.

It's kinda like those episodes when they didn't have Bo and Luke and they had those two dumb-ass cousins Coy and Vance. They're still the Dukes, but I kinda just put them out of my mind and pretend they don't exist. Same with the movie. It's not really the show, but I gotta go see it anyway.

What about Jessica Simpson as Daisy Duke?

They could've got better. She'll do. She has blonde hair. Daisy doesn't have blonde hair, she has black.

Yeah, but she's got back. She's wearing the shorts.

The shorts do look good. (He mumbles and says something, which I'm pretty sure was nasty)

So, you aren't taking Cooter's warning and boycotting the movie?

Naw. I'm still a Dukes of Hazzard fan. I can kinda see where he's coming from. I haven't seen much about it, just a few previews...looks hokey though. They got some scene where they're running around a college and being all fucking stupid. At least it has the car.

What about the new Duke boys?

Oh...um...Johnny Fucknut? And...um... What's his name? Stiffler? I don't know. They're gonna be different. That's all I know.

Anything else we should know?

I'm bringing whiskey with me. If it gets hokey I can drink and still have fun.

Whiskey? How are you smuggling that in? In your tummy?

Naw, man. I got a girlfriend with big ass purse.

Thanks, Tater for this interview.

Yeah.

Was sent out on an early morning press conference. I got to the event, just a moment before it was scheduled to began.
Whew.

I went into the room, and it was completely empty.
Am I in the wrong place?

Not only was I the only member of the press there, but, as it turns out..I was the only person there.
Are we still going through with this?

The really nice PR lady told me that it'd be started shortly, and I got all set up in the center of the room. And we were just about to begin.
This is just too weird. There's like 8 people at the podium and ONLY ME in the room. Wait. Am I going to have to ask questions?

Here's an illustration of what it looked like:



Luckily, the local paper snuck in a moment before it began.
Aww yeah. Now there's two of us! It's officially a press conference now.