Rather than start off the new year by recounting my New Years Eve celebration and listing all my various resolutions, I decided to kick things off with a bang by calling up my brother, Tater.



What up? Happy new year!

Happy new year, bitch. What're you doing?

Not much. Thought I'd call and check in with you. What did you do to ring in the new year?

I played poker and drank a lot of beer. A lot of beer. This morning I just sat on couch until like 4:30. No moving, except to feed the dog.

Oh, that's right. I heard you bought a dog.

Un huh. He's a cool little fucker. He's part German shepperd [and then he named like five different dog breeds that I can't remember]. He's got two different colored eyes. It's freaky.

Like Marilyn Manson! He's got two different colored eyes. You should totally think about renaming your dog Marilyn. Or Manson.

Um..I don't know about that. He's a freak, but his name's Max.

Hmm. You get anything good for X-mas?

I got a shotgun. My very own brand new 12 gauge.

Wow. That's hardcore. Was there anything you wanted but didn't get?

Not really, man. I still need season 5 of The Dukes of Hazzard on DVD. I got the movie from you, so that's the only thing I need now.

Any special new years resolutions?

Aww shit no. I ain't doin the weight loss thing. No reason to quiting chewin'. I'll kick ass in baseball for ya. How's that?

So your resolution is to do better in baseball. Does that mean you sucked at baseball this year?

No. Dude, I caught a fly ball bare handed last year. It was flipping amazing.

Is that good?

Yeah, that's something that pro players do. You see 'em do that every now and then on TV. It's kind've a rare thing.

I don't know. If I flip on cable right now I could probably find a bunch of people catching balls with their bare hands.

What?

Nevermind. I was thinking that you should make a list. Like the show on NBC, My Name is Earl. You'd be like Earl.

Fuck that. My list would be way too long. I have enough trouble getting through my people-I-want-to-kill list to make time for the I-fucked-up-and-I-want-to-apologize list.

Gotcha. Anything you want me to pass on to Angelo or the rest of the gang?

Rock on. Live like a rockstar.

And happy new year?

..And happy new year and all bullshit that comes with the holidays. Which reminds me...I'll be sending you your Christmas presents pretty soon.

Yeah right. As soon as you buy them.

(laughs) Yeah. As soon as I buy them.

Okay. Talk to you later.

Later.


[previous Tater interviews: (8/04) Dukes Of Hazzard movie; (8/15) Dukes Of Hazzard follow-up ]